After I played The Sims, blogged, posted at TeenTalk, and checked my accounts online, I went upstairs – straight in my room to (supposedly) sleep.
But then, things really came unexpectedly. As I was fixing my study table, I suddenly was reminded of a friend’s blog that I just read. Her blog was about certain stuffs regarding her school/ university. I’ve suddenly felt the tensions had during the times when I was having mixed decisions for college. I have then decided to write on my journal (notebook not blog).
I could still remember that as I entered my fourth and last year in high school, my parents and I already agreed that I would be going to either UST or SLU for college, taking up a pre-med course. I could still commit to my memory that I was actually the one pa nga to get the application form from SLU. My family and I had a trip to Baguio City just to have that and have a side trip na rin of a city we once called “home”. Anyway, I took up entrance exams at both SLU and UST (both were very memorable!) and eventually passed. Everything was set for Baguio city already – the apartment where I will stay, guardian – my Ninang who was SLU’s Head Nurse that time, my course, my everything.. except my heart.
One lousy day, Levi (Zafra) and Charriz (dela Rosa) dropped by our house, to fetch and me me to try for CLSU. Oh please, the plans were all alright, but then, my mom told me that I can take the entrance exam at CLSU so I would have more choices. Honestly, CLSU, that time, was out of my choices. I passed the exam; and that was the start of rumbling decisions.
I’ve seriously went into crying nights with the Lord, asking for His guidance and help as I decide which university should go to for college. I felt that there’s something that I still needed to fix – God’s approval. I have sought my parents’ advices, too. In the end, the Lord’s plans for me prevailed. The Lord revealed a bunch of things to me – I have ministries here in Nueva Ecija. I was already leading the dance team that time, and also was a newbie at worship leading for the youth group. Moreover, I also felt the need fro me not to miss my youth days with my family.
With those revelations, I voluntarily gave up SLU for CLSU. Uhm, not really for CLSU.. it was for the church, my ministries, my family, my calling.
From the very start, I knew that CLSU isn’t one that could provide my expectations for a so-called COLLEGE LIFE. I’ve never dreamed of CLSU for college. (Sheesh. Don’t get me wrong; I’m emoting!) I’ve dreamed of a university which I can TOTALLY be proud of.
With my one-year stay at CLSU, in fairness, I have realized that I’ve met some of my views for a “university”, but, I also knew I was missing greater chances of learning and exploring, as well. I knew CLSU was insufficient in one way or another.
I’ve always told people that I love going to CLSU not because I love and like the university itself, but because of its vicinity – a twenty-minute & twelve-peso ride from home. I don’t blame my family for whatever anxiety I have now (due to my school). They’ve given me the freedom to choose which campus I’m going to. Actually, during my first year at CLSU, as I told them my reclaims, they would always offer an option to transfer, but I’ve always said NO. Indeed, it was a personal decision– and that’s what makes my situation even more problematical ‘cause it was my choice! I love the fact that I’m home; yet I hate the fact that I’m at CLSU.
***Please stop the accusations of my statements. I’m not against CLSU. This is my blog and I’m free to say that I’m not satisfied with the university. Right?
Amidst all these thoughts, I’m hating myself ‘cause I can’t stop remembering a blog entry I had entitled “My Best-estS”. At the last part of my blog, I said, “I realized that this stage of life (teenage years) is the best time to express our love for our parents since we are more knowledgeable of LOVE, LOVING, and being LOVED :)”
After I harked back to that statement I had, I’ve clipped a photo of mom, dad, and I above my notebook/ journal. At the very second I glimpsed of our photo together, I’ve suddenly had my decision back before I entered CLSU. I also have comprehended how I would likely stick to my choice.Hay. It’s funny how people (like me) change perspectives in just one writing, eh? Well, I must say I’m amazed, too.
Anyway, I bet I’m saving my dreams of a really good university after my four-year course at CLSU. What do you think?
Well, I’m not afraid to go out of my comfort zone. I tell you, stepping in CLSU is a total barefoot walk! Such an exit to my comfy zones..
Right now, I would just like to be with my mom & dad, and the rest of our family. ADMU, DLSU, SLU, UST, UP, and other excellent educational institutions would be only a curse for me if I would end up not spending the best stage of my life with the best persons I would ever have. At the moment, I would just love to stick with them; Hug, Kiss, and Laugh with them.
I ♥ Mommy and Daddy. I’m not leaving.
Staying here,
7 comments:
Wow, I like this post. :) I'm impressed at your decision. I can relate kasi I think CLSU kind of falls short on how I see an ideal university, but there's no denying that the people there are just GREAT. Plus yung fam mo pa. :) Go, Jez! Good luck.
Oops, God bless pala. :)
Haha. Thanks, coreen!
It was really a tough decision.
Well, in fairness, bow ako sa USHS :)
Hmm.Do you have any idea whose blog I was referring to sa post ko? :D
Hahaha. I can relate to this...
Nice, this entry almost made me cry, (joke). very touching and true. hmmmm, what can i say, i'm privileged to have been invited to be one of ur blog readers.
keep it up: enjoy, have fun, make the most of every moment with your family.
few people have been gifted with a family like yours, (you're right, this is your blog nga,hehe). still, fewer appreciate the family that has been given to them
i'm so blessed sa family nio, sobra! astig! continue to be a blessing to all, and may GOD continue to bless you unlimitedly!!!
ui ate je, nabasa ko na. alam mo sa totoo lang ganyan din ako dati. pero ang advice sakin ng papa ko, "hindi naman mahalaga kung gaano kalaki ang university, ng mahalaga naman yung matututunan." :) good luck sa natitira mo pang 10 years ng pag-aaral, 2 years sa CLSU, 4 years sa dream university, at 4 years sa Bible school na tulad ng pinag-uusapan natin ngayon. hehehe. mahaba-habang pag-aaral pa yun ah!
It's been three years since you posted it here. It's now 2010 and I'm fond of reading your blogs. I am so encouraged while I'm reading this certain blog of yours right now. I felt the same way too before when I was 2nd year. Now, I'm on my third year in college. The happened to us were opposite but I think I felt same way you did.I live in the province of Laguna, I chose to study here in Manila,it's also have been my choice. But as the time goes by,so many regrets came.
In my desperation, there's one Sunday afternoon that I really prayed to the Lord if it's His will for me to transfer in a school near our province. But as I pray, I really felt that God wants me to stay at my university here in Manila. And as I opened my eyes, I saw a sticker on our table, a sticker bought from PCBS. A verse was printed, and I read Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."
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