It was past 2 PM of Saturday, February 23 ’08 – a day after the prom night, when Donna (a youth back-up) told me about an sms she just received. Staring at her cell phone, she told me, “Jez, patay na daw si Juancho.” (Jez, Juancho has just passed away).
Not wanting to believe, I answered back, “Baka naman na-aksidente lang. naku, ha. Hindi magandang joke.” (Perhaps it was just an accident. That’s not a good joke.) We waited for another reply from the one who sms-ed her, but after minutes of waiting, the message we received was sort of “Wait lang, nag-iiyakan na kami dito. Patay na si Juancho.” (Hang on. We’re weeping here. Juancho has already died.).
I felt really, really cold. Idk. Maybe that was just a reflex with sudden death.
I then remembered an instance that occurred the night before his death – our first talk after some time, our last talk, our first dance, our last dance - his last dance that evening, the last dance of his life.
During the dance time at the prom on February 22, as I was supposed to go downstage already to take a sit, one of Vanj (my younger sister)’s classmate asked me for a dance. He said, “Ate Jez, pwede po ba kitang masayaw?” (may I dance with you?), but I replied “Huh? Naku, why me? Hindi ako kasali dyan. Hindi na ako high school (in a cute manner naman)” (I’m not included here/ there. I’m past to being in high school.) And so he insisted with a pa-cute “sige na ate, Jez. Please ate. Sige na.. Sige na..”. There.. I ended up being on the ground with students around shouting “Ang lakas ni Juancho!”. It was a distinct and equally funny experience. Imagine me with a high school senior ---my sister’s classmate! Anyway, while having our very short dance, he humorously told me, “ate, nakatingin po yata si Pastor. Baka naman tanggalin na ako sa school niyan.”. (I think Pastor (your dad) is looking. Perchance he’ll get me out of your school.). Anyway, we only had less than a minute of dancing, but I remember telling him “Wala ka nung Sunday. Nag-dance tayo, ha. Punta ka sa Sunday - 4 PM.”. (You were absent last Sunday (at the church). We danced tonight… Come on Sunday – 4PM).
That night, he was the only person who approached me for a dance. Everybody was held back on approaching me since aside from being the emcee, I am the school owners’ daughter! But then, by chance (or probably by God’s will), that one young man asked me alone for a very short dance. (The prom only had less than 30mins of dancing). To let you know him more, that young man seldom attends church contrary to the excellent church attendance of his mother. We haven’t really had enough chances to consolidate him. He hasn’t been at our youth nets, youth services, or camps, but we know him.
I do not want to get all emo here, but the point is that I feel accountable for his soul. I have known him for years, but never really got the nerve to focus on winning him for the Lord. We know that things do not work by chance. Things happen for reasons. In addition, getting to dance with him the night before his death is, I’m sure, not an accident. Now I feel even more responsible.
Attending his wake, I heard his mother cry out: “Hindi ko alam kung saan siya pupunta”. Sis. Perla, Juancho's mother, wasn’t sure where his son would spend eternity. I, too, am not sure where he would. Of best hopes, I wish he had a chance to receive Christ even seconds before he was taken off his breath.
But then again, only the Lord knows the truth.
This is a great wake-up call for me and for the youth ministry, and I hope for everybody, as well.
Let us not waste time and possibilities of sharing the Lord’s gift of salvation to other people.
I thought I had enough passion for the lost, but I realized I need more.
Lord, I am sorry for my shortcomings and negligences. Please forgive me.
Give me a greater passion for compassion.
Please pray for me. I am having quite culpable feelings.
